Jack Nicklaus, Suck It Up and Play the British Open Champions Exhibition

For seemingly months, the greatest golfer of all time has wavered about his participation in a special four-hole exhibition before this summer's 150th anniversary of the Open Championship.  Jack Nicklaus said that his playing in the exhibition of all living Open champions was contingent upon what sponsor Royal Bank of Scotland wanted him to do.

"It really revolves around the Royal Bank of Scotland," he said at the Masters. "If they want me to come and do work, yes. Am I going to go on my own to play four holes of golf at St. Andrews? No."

Now with even the elusive Tiger Woods species playing in the exhibition - and only three other living champions not participating - Nicklaus has no excuse.  Hell, we could probably exhume Old and Young Tom Morris, puppet them up like Weekend at Bernie's for four holes, and their families wouldn't be mad about it.  And the Golden Bear opts out because he's using being old as an excuse?  No, you don't get to make that call anymore, Jack.

Nicklaus is a smidge over seventy years ago - the point in life at which most elderly adults' independent decision-making capacity is usurped by children who see an opportunity to put the daddy pants on and boss their father around before senility.  This is where Jackie and Gary need to step in here and tell pop, "Look, you're playing in this exhibition.  You're going to get on your jet.  You're going to play the tournament.  You'll tip your cap, nod, smile, eat bad British food, and bedazzle everyone with some hint that you might enter the 2013 Memorial tournament if you're alive.  Got it?"

If that doesn't work, then Royal Bank of Scotland needs to make up some menial job for Nicklaus to do so that he has to be there anyway for the exhibition.

"Jack, hey, it's RBS.  We need you at the Open.  For what?  Ummm, to sign baseball cards for the kids.  Anyway, we'll swing the jet by the pick you up.  Oh, and don't forget the sticks, Jackie!  I hear Scotland it just beautiful for golf in July."

At this point in his life, Nicklaus admittedly spends a lot of his time on Muirfield Village.  Not his other three bazillion "signature" courses around the world.  Not his game.  This one course in Ohio.  He has three years to fix that thing up for the Presidents Cup.  He has time on his hands to play the Champions Exhibition. 

Hell, he had enough time yesterday to get owned by Phil Mickelson in a nine-hole Skins game before the Memorial.  That's like two Champions Exhibitions.  He has the stamina to do it.

If he still refuses to play, then maybe we can line up that guy from YouTube that does impersonations of PGA Tour player swings, give him a mini-fat suit, blonde wig, pump him with helium to modulate his voice properly, and have him play the four holes.

Jack Nicklaus is basically public property.  Like it or not, Nicklaus is still one of the most revered and respected figures in the sport, who has a lot of demands on his time.  The three differences between he and Tiger?  One, Jack's old and doesn't play the PGA Tour anymore.  B, Jack did not sleep with anywhere between a dozen and a dozen squared women outside of his marriage to Barbara.  And, finally, Tiger Woods is actually playing in the Champions Exhibition at the Open.