The World Has Gone Mad: Kids & Rachel Uchitel Are Now Journalists

The First Tee program is doing some great work in helping kids learn golf and life skills.  I've done profile work of the facility near my home here in Maryland.  I love their mission and how much fun the kids have.  That said, I never expected those kids to be my direct competition for the time and attention of PGA Tour players!

As it turns out, kids from local First Tee programs will be given the opportunity to play journalist at their local PGA Tour or Champions Tour stops this season.  (No, I'm being serious.)  Three kids will be selected to cover the event and blog about their experiences on PGATour.com. 

Sounds benign enough until you see the kind of access these kids are getting!

From the release:

"They will enjoy unique, inside-the-ropes experiences including meeting and interviewing players, sponsors, caddies and other celebrity guests, touring the host site’s clubhouse and locker rooms, sitting in on player press conferences and media interviews, and visiting Golf Channel and SHOTlink trucks on site."

Basically, they get the same access that I would get at a tournament.  Great news for the kids, bad news for me.  Who is going to turn down an interview with an adorable pre-teen?  Yup, no one.  That means that I'm going to lose my Joe Ogilvie exclusive to some 7th grader. 

I guess I'll have to shave off my beard to reveal my baby face so I can look somewhat like a high school again.

It was already bad enough this week, being snowed in for five days and finding out that Rachel Uchitel is now a part of the media.  Yeah, she's now a special correspondent for 4th place celebrity show Extra, hosted by AC Slater. 

She got a national gig before I did? I know that it is a dog-eat-dog world in the journalism community, but I simply don't have the kind of looks or body parts to be able to single-handedly wreck Tiger Woods' marriage.  (Although Jaimee Grubbs is awfully mad that Uchitel is known as Mistress Number Uno.  In fact, that's apparently why she outed Tiger to Us Weekly.) My differentiator on my resume is that I was on Jeopardy.  Rachel Uchitel has implants, a celebrity homewrecking rap sheet, and can dance better than me.  FML.

And worse than that, she has a whole slew of ass kissers on her Facebook page.

Valentine's cookies?!  Why am I not getting those on my Facebook wall, or on the Waggle Room fan page (become a fan now)?!  Uchitel doesn't deserve that kind of praise for being able to bed Tiger, or whatever she did with him.  The only kind of Facebook love that she should be getting is as Facebook Girl of the Day, a spankin' - literally - new website dedicated to stealing pictures of hot chicks on Facebook whose stepfathers had boundary issues.

And to think that I had some small role in helping her land this gig by interviewing her.  I suppose fortunately, I got to her before Gloria Allred took over her life.  That kind of killed AJ Daulerio's chances in nabbing an interview.

This whole week goes to show that sometimes it's better to be either (a) a kid or (b) an NYC socialite woman who must have some kind of sex sniper to be able to hunt down world famous men.