The Golf Industry is Engaged in Collusion & I Can Prove It
by Ryan Ballengee on Jan 22, 2010 8:00 PM EST
in Humor
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PrintGolf has a Bermuda Triangle of costs for the player - clubs, balls, and greens fees. Without any of the three, the golf industry cannot sustain itself, right?
For the better part of 15 years, the cycle worked well:
- Step 1: Sell hacks golf clubs that claim longer distance, bigger balls, and getting the number of the beverage babe who you swear is flirting with you
- Step 2: Get hacks to also buy golf balls that are promised to go further with your clubs and spin back to your feet from inside 50 yards
- Step 3: Hacks try them out at a golf course, embarrass themselves since they didn't practice, and try to find a new course
- Step 4: Build news courses to give players a place to run to after not wanting to ever show up again at that last course that won't be named
- Step 5: Profit
- Step 6: Repeat every year
Well, the bursting of the housing bubble in late 2007 kind of threw a wrench in the machine. It killed the need for new courses, closed existing or unfinished courses, and made people so poor that they couldn't really afford that new equipment that did nothing.
Sensing that the market was about to realize that their real estate bets were going to fail, the USGA stepped in to save the day with its announcement of changes to grooves. It was a good guess because the market crashed just one month later.
Basically, by changing the grooves, that would make all of the amateurs go buy new equipment by 2024. And since they would be led to believe that they couldn't spin the ball as much as they used to (they never could before), then they would have to buy new golf balls that would work better with the new clubs.
Since golf course architects had run out of courses to build because everyone was poor and people were getting mad that golf cathedrals were being lengthened to cater to the distance gains, there had to be a new way to get them business in the United States. What better way to do that then to redesign or retrofit courses that were lengthened or built too long in the first place? After all, since everyone will be hitting it less distance now, what's the point of offering a 7500 yard back tee?
It's the only possible work around that the USGA and R&A could come up with for the architects. They kind of got the raw deal in this. But they can always just build clubs in China and India.
You might think that I'm typing this with my tin foil hat on - and I am - but that's because my TV has bad reception.
I'm onto you, golf industry. I've got my eye on you. And I can't wait to see you next week in Orlando.
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TX,
I envision you in some padded bedroom (they used to call it a funny farm) so that you don’t hurt yourself bouncing off the walls…I thought my long suffering wife (she was Irish) had bad puns, but yours are in a class by themselves….STUB
Someone needs a nap…or a beer then a nap…just don’t try to drink that beer sitting on this particular three legged stool. Recognizing the interdependence of equipment and course doesn’t prove collusion – doesn’t even insinuate it. The inability to control the equipment isn’t a reason to find a new course…much less the reason to build new courses. Collusion, by this “definition” would require new equipment to play new courses – and we know that’s not the way it is. You don’t need to build a new course to play a new course…and what about the people who are content to play the same course week after week for decades ?
Miniature golf – Wednesday evening – in Orlando ! You in ?
"this ball will fit in that fairway"
Ryan the Economist
First of all I take exception to being called a “hack”…I prefer “chump” or “handicap golfer”. Once again, illustrating your tender youth, I can tell you along with several other of the stalwart bloggers who waste our time here, that the marketing to which you refer has been going on since Adam discovered persimmon was a better head material than apple….
By the term "hack" I take it you mean beginner Ryan
Seasoned golfers are wise enough to know the promises made by manufacturers are a sales pitch. As most golfers change their irons at least every 10 years, the groove change for us mortals by 2024 is about right. In any case, “hacks” is not a very nice term to use.
there probably aren't any hacks in the UK
We have plenty of them on this side of the pond. It’s not a very complementary term.
Truth has a well-known liberal bias.
Hackers, as we know them, are not golfers who would spend 300 bucks on a driver.
but people who gave the game a go and found it too frustrating to continue. It’s not a term I used when trying to encourage beginners on the days out I organised. The game is snobby enough, thank you.
I don’t know about the $300 driver part – there are a lot of people who are gullible enough to believe that they can buy a game, but couldn’t break 90 or 100 on their best day. I’ve been playing almost 20 years and there are a fair number of days when I call myself a hacker.
Being called, or calling yourself a “hacker” at least has some tradition to it – calling someone a “hack” is definitely a lot more rude and derogatory.
"this ball will fit in that fairway"
Aw, come on people, are we really
offended by the term “hack”. It’s such a benign term. A “hack” is anyone who is not aa good as you are, just like a religious zealot is anyone who is more religious than you, or a “You need to get a life” blogger is anyone who posts more comments than Ping in a day. So, based on that definition, we are all hacks, except Tiger or whoever is #1 in the world. Hacks.
Saints are no longer killing me!!!!!!!!
Easy,
I was having dinner with Jack and Barbara after he won the Colonial, and he specifically said that Arnie and Gary were hacks. He also thought that Watson and Miller were hacks, and that Tiger would be a hack someday…..go figure.
WHO DAT!!!!
Saints are no longer killing me!!!!!!!!
Em, Jack won that in '82...
he knew Tiger would be a hack when Tiger was only 7 years old ? Go figure, lol
Yeah,
thus the terms “would be” and “someday”…..lol
WHO DAT!
Saints are no longer killing me!!!!!!!!
is decorum a dirty word ?
HackER – traditionally acceptable – you know if you’re a hackER. Calling someone a “hack” is derogatory and harsh. “What a hack” is worse than “he’s a hacker”. As you can see from the responses, “hack” distracts from the point he was trying to make. Does it take that much effort…especially when writing something like this…to keep just a touch of “gentleman” in a gentleman’s game ? The nice thing about writing is that you get to take back words before anybody has to see them.
"this ball will fit in that fairway"
Hack.....Hacker......Hackest......Hackopotomus.....does
it really matter. It’s all relative. If I shoot 72 on Wednesday and then 74 on Thursday, then do I become my own hack?…..or something like that…hmmmm???? It’s all too confusing.
WHO DAT!
Saints are no longer killing me!!!!!!!!
Haha, just to be clear – and I can’t believe I have to comment on this – “hacks” are defined as the subset of mid to high handicap players. It’s self-effacing. Some hacks aren’t big equipment buyers. Some good players are.
Good gravy.
Find me! Email: ryan@thegolfnewsnet.com, Twitter: http://twitter.com/waggleroomryan, or Facebook: http://facebook.com/waggleroom.
by Ryan Ballengee on Jan 23, 2010 10:00 AM EST reply actions
Easing,
if you take Hack in it’s proper context, you can apply it to almost anything…Take for example most of the posts here…done by Hacks….see, works for me…don’t underestimate EM he has these Voodoo powers gets most of them from sticking pins in little dolls…stay strong EM, fixate on those balls from Jumpin….and we can let Court just Hack along at his own pace…Didn’t Hack mean some sort of horse drawn cart in the UK at one time or taother?…STUB
Gee Wiz
I guess I’ll break out my ole and reliable Wilson K-28 blades with the leather grips and my trusty Spaulding Executive Pan Head 2 Wood. I’ve been “DUPED” by the Golf Industry all these years. O’h the Horror of it all. No wait I’m in the golf industry !!! Neva Mind…jumpn/progolf
"pain is only weakness leaving the body"
Hacks and hackers
This morning I remembered using that term in my SEAL training. Back then a “hacker” was someone who demostrated an intense desire to succeed. Being called a hacker was the ultimate compliment.
Language!
I always thought a hack was a journalistic drudge and a hacker was a high-handicap player. So everyone on here qualifies as one or t’other (or even both?)!
Your comment NEVER have
a mean tone to them.
A little meaning occasionally would be nice, though.
TOTALLY kidding, Wendy. Still e-friends?
the truth
has set me free…..I’m a hack, and i thrive in it……Still i tee “off”, and am not “p’d off” when i play poorly. I practice, i grind at my game, but i have limited practice time, and limited natural ability. If i think i am getting the most out of myself, and yet a hacker, then so be it. I’m a happy hacker, thus the grin……I live in truth, thus i’m free on the tee…….and i still have the “honors”……..
"The game is swell when it's played well."
by Fairways and Grins on Jan 24, 2010 1:21 PM EST reply actions
I've never forgotten
the person who said to me “Wendy, if you’re so happy, it’s because you’re too stupid to know what to be worried about”. I’m glad to say that I’m having the last laugh now. No, of course I’m not – that would be mean. Oh OK, I am. Keep Grinning Fairways!
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