It's Time To Start A New Golf Fashion Trend: The Mustache

Last night, I was watching a ballgame on TV.  It was the D'Back and the Phillies from Philadelphia Municipal Little League Stadium Citizens Bank Park.  The D'Backs were getting trounced and the bullpen got some heavy work.  Among the pitchers, the best had to be Clay Zavada.  The guy has a mustache for the ages.  If his career becomes truly successful, he may make the all-time all-mustache team.

But Zavada isn't the only one sporting a mustache during its major league comeback in recent years.  Jason Giambi sported one that was endorsed by the American Mustache Institute - a critical member-driven association ranking up there with the AARP and the NRA in terms of lobbying power.

Even the Cincinnati Reds' mascot sports a little stache of his own.

What baffles me, then, is how professional golfers today can be so fashion forward but miss out on such an avant-garde trend.

It's not like everyone is missing the boat on mustaches.  In the amateur ranks, a few gentlemen started an annual tournament - apparently now defunct - called The Mustache Open.  You play golf after you grow a mustache.

I defy you to tell me that this guy, one of the tournament co-founders, doesn't look great with his stache rocket on.

Some of the guys on the Nationwide Tour last season had a brilliant season-long contest to grow mustaches.  The finale and judging happened at the Utah Championship and tournament officials dubbed the event "Mustache Week."  They purchased 2500 fake mustaches for fans to wear during the week while fans could vote for their favorite handlebar online.

A few of the older players on the PGA Tour did or still do sport mustaches.  Brothers Bart and Brad Bryant both wear their genetically gifted facial hair very well. 

The Stadlers could make the stache a family affair, but Kevin has daddy issues and can't decide if he wants a goatee or no facial hair at all.  Kevin, your dad wont two major titles with the stache.  You've done nothing.  Coincidence?

Corey Pavin used to wear a mustache, though is now clean shaven.  But, perhaps the pinnacle of the mustache in golf was when he hoisted the US Open trophy at Shinnecock Hills and sealed it with a mustache trophy kiss.

That said, the mustache is practically extinct on the PGA Tour now.  Why?  Some say it is Tour policy to prohibit the porn stache so that people will not remember that JB Holmes' name is really John, synonymous with the porn legend.

Maybe so, but it is a gamble worth taking.  The Full Cleveland is a tired look.  White belt and shoes?  John Travolta stopped being cool decades ago.  Pulp Fiction was an aberration.  Players should be harkening to more studly role models like "Magnum PI" Tom Selleck, Starsky & Hutch, and others.

I took the liberty of creating some mock ups of today's golfers with a stache to prove my point.

How about Phil Mickelson.  What will Phil do next?  What can't he do next would be the more appropriate question with a fresh stache on his face.

YE Yang pulled off one of the greatest upsets in sporting history at the PGA Championship.  Perhaps a Super Mario Brothers handle would have completed the look with the Wanamaker.

And, finally, staches are not just for the fellas anymore.  Paula Creamer is known as the Pink Panther for all of her pink attire.  Why not ratchet that up a notch with a nice, pink mustache?  (It would totally increase the number of perverts that Google "Paula Creamer tight pants," like some guy must have done to mistakenly get to Waggle Room yesterday.)

Even better, there is a charity that actually raises money for local children's causes by getting people to sponsor a mustache grower!  Not a sermon, just a thought.