Fast get me some dramamine- Ron Sirak is at it again.

The golf writer I love to take aim at has given me fresh material.

On Jan. 22, the LPGA will mark the 60th anniversary of its first tournament winner: amateur Polly Riley, whose 295 beat Louise Suggs by five strokes in the Tampa Open.

First I'll be nice to Sirak. He knows how to count unlike LPGA Tournament Directors who like to celebrate tournament anniversaries in the wrong year.  If that Tampa Open had still existed in 2009, I lay you odds it would have celebrated its 60th anniversary this year.

Just like the 50th anniversary of the AFL, started in 1960, is being celebrated this year.

After 60 years of scratching and clawing -- but always surviving -- the LPGA now must redefine its business model if there is to be a year 61.

Actually next year is year 61. Start counting 1950 is year one, 1951 is year two, etc etc. Apparently Ron can only count sometimes.

The single most important thing the LPGA needs to increase its popularity is better TV exposure. When people see the product they love it, but they have to see it. One problem is no one knows what channel has the LPGA -- a problem solved by the 10-year cable-exclusive Golf Channel deal that goes into effect in 2010. Another problem is too much delayed tape -- and that is not helped by the Golf Channel deal.

This paragraph is all over the road. Nobody knows what channel the LPGA is on, but GC will be it next year. Then he says there is too much tape delay but that's because of Golf Channel.

All true but I got dizzy reading about it.

Michelle Wie's landmark win on Sunday in the Lorena Ochoa Invitational aired in prime time, but that broadcast was also on tape delay, shown while news of Wie's victory was already available online.

Maybe Ron read about it here at Waggleroom. I couldn't possibly be his favorite contributor, could I? Only if he is a bigger masochist than I am.

For fans, a perfect Sunday would be to have the men's European Tour on Golf Channel from 9 to Noon, the LPGA on from Noon to 3 and the PGA Tour on 3 to 6 -- nine straight hours of live golf. Now that's entertainment.

Ron, here's a memo for you. The PGA Tour deal with GC, which was done in 2007, obligates that channel to put on PGA Tour events it televises before LPGA. The LPGA, in a act of masochism surpassing anything Ron or I could do, inked a contract with a network that will always give it the short end of the stick. Look at last weekend's golf, do you think if not for contract obligations, that GC would have shown the Orlando tournament over Michelle Wie? They had no choice!

5. GET THE ADT CHAMPIONSHIP BACK

The most innovative idea in years was the ADT Championship, in which 32 players qualified for a season-ending event with multiple cuts and a $1 million first prize with only $100,000 going to second. The ADT format, Trump International golf course and Mar-a-Lago mansion for the year-end awards dinner combined to make for a perfect conclusion to the season.

Neither ADT nor Trump wanted to leave the LPGA but were forced out when former commissioner Carolyn Bivens decided to give the season-ending date to Stanford Financial for the Tour Championship.

Once again I don't know which alternate universe Sirak is in, but it isn't the one I exist in. Here Juli Inkster didn't play in the 2008 LPGA Championship, Kim Saiki was born in the United States, and Mr. Lu finished second at the 1971 British Open.  If Sirak doesn't change professions or I die first, I wonder how much more history this guy will re-write before he's through.

Bivens didn't give the Tour Championship to Stanford. She tried squeezing the company for more money and ADT wouldn't budge. If you don't believe me, here's what Randall Mell wrote a year ago-

It's a reluctant farewell for the Boca Raton-based home security corporation, whose officials say would have been interested in staying on as title sponsor of the LPGA-owned event given a more favorable sponsorship renewal offer.

"The explanation ADT gave us for not renewing was that its marketing objectives and means of going about attracting customers was changing and the ADT Championship didn't fit into its future plans," said Mike Nichols, LPGA vice president of tournament business affairs.

ADT President John Koch said there was more to the decision.

"Basically, the change in the renewal pricing caused us to re-evaluate the value proposition of the overall program," Koch said. "You will hear various takes on that, but it is inaccurate for anyone to state that our decision was based on any form of cost cutting by our company. In fact, we have increased our marketing budget."

"At the end of the day, there wasn't any reason other than value proposition," Koch said. "They have the right to think what the value of their tournament is. We respect them for that."

Nichols said the increased pricing was due to "new elements" ADT specifically asked the LPGA to consider. "Everything built into the price was justified," Nichols said.

Or better yet what Donald Trump said last July-

According to Trump, ADT paid $3.8 million for sponsorship rights in 2008 and Bivens wanted the company to spend $12 million in 2009. “The commissioner said, ‘Take it or leave it,’ ” Trump says, and ADT President John Koch “couldn’t believe it.”

“He’s too polite to say 'go screw yourself,'” Trump said. “So what he did is he bought time with the NBA and he took the Skills Challenge and did some other things. And then the LPGA came back to him and said, ‘Listen, we’ll take the number that you gave us [originally] and even less.’ But by that time John had spent his advertising money.

Ron Sirak should seriously take up fiction writing.

PS- I do think bringing back the ADT format is a good idea and not just I'd like there to be a tournament close to home either.