Tiger, Don't Hurry Back or Anything. Take Your Time.

We are just a week and a round into the 2009 PGA Tour season and no one can stop talking about Tiger Woods' imminent return to golf.

Buick, the General Motors division that basically had to fire Tiger as their spokesman because they weren't selling cars to anybody, then had the gaul to turn around and nudge him into coming back in February to defend his Buick Invitational title at the site of his greatest triumph.  Maybe, though, nudge isn't the right word.  Judge for yourself from the North County Times:

When Woods and Buick ended their endorsement relationship after nine years back in November, [Buick Invitational tournament director Tom] Wilson sent [Woods' agent Marc] Steinberg a message.

"I said, 'Despite the divorce, we still want him,' " Wilson recalled with a smile.

He also let Steinberg know that his daughter is an obstetrician and gynecologist, saying that if Elin Woods could travel, she'd be in good hands during tournament week.

Too much information, Tom.  That's what you call a hard sell.

But, it doesn't seem like that will work on Camp Tiger.  So, Rich Tosches at Yahoo! Sports is trying a different approach.

Tosches is throwing a head fake at Woods and throwing some reverse psychology this way by telling Woods that its ok to take ALL of 2009 off from the game.

So take the year off. Let the gimpy knee heal. Come back strong in 2010. And that loud screaming noise you'll hear? Well, that's just the sound of your millions of disappointed fans.

Although it could also be Mickelson hitting himself in eye with a champagne cork.

The best part of the piece isn't so much Tosches well placed one liners as it is the commenters who didn't get the subtle hint about the undertones of the writing.

Rich, if people who read you everyday didn't get the joke, then will Tiger?  We may not know, but it doesn't seem like the "desperate girlfriend" approach is working, so kudos for trying.