I got the scoop, people. I spent a couple hours on the phone last night with Annika Sorenstam - or at least someone who kind of sounded like her - and now know the real reasons she is retiring from golf.

Top 10 Reasons Annika Is Retiring

10. Planning to run for mayor of Oslo. Or Orlando.
    
9. Finally falling victim to long-festering disease picked up in that lake at the Kraft Nabisco.
   
8. Has been drafted into the ScandiNavy, must put out to sea.
   
7. One too many fans thought it'd be funny to talk to her in the voice of Sesame Street's "Swedish Chef."
   
6. Lost her love of golf after sitting through "Bagger Vance."
   
5. Is already one child behind Tiger, needs to "get busy," if you know what I mean.
   
4. Got the heebie-jeebies.
   
3. Intends to pursue her true calling as a tap dancer.
   
2. Intimidated by the talent on display in "The Big Break."
   
1. Wants more time for lutefisk.