The Ugliest Trophies in Golf

What's the ugliest trophy in golf? I got to thinking about that last week after the LPGA's MasterCard Classic in Mexico City.

That tournament's trophy isn't really ugly ... just odd:

Doesn't exactly scream "golf" does it? It looks more like something you'd find in the gift shop at the Sheboygan Art Museum.

And it's not just odd, it's a little dangerous: You could put an eye out with that thing! When winner Meaghan Francella tried to kiss it, she had to wear safety goggles.

I have a suggestion for the MasterCard Classic: Next year, retire this trophy, and instead award the winner a trophy of Meaghan Francella in a sombrero. I don't mean a representation of Meaghan Francella in a sombrero, I actually mean Meaghan Francella in a sombrero. Now that would be a trophy.

But the winner has to bring Meaghan back every year so she can play the tournament.

So this trophy isn't really ugly, it's just unusual. But there are some mighty ugly trophies out there. Lots of them. I've found two that are particularly ugly.

Here's the first one, from the Qatar Masters:

Good God almighty. A giant freakin' oyster with a golf ball "pearl" inside it.

Look at the expression on poor Retief Goosen's face. OK, it's the same expression he always has. But I can imagine him thinking, "What? You want me to hold it?"

Retief is probably praying this is one of those trophies the winner doesn't get to take with him. "Just etch my name on it and display it in your clubhouse. Please."

But the ugliest trophy of all in golf is pretty easy to select. And it's no surprise that the golfer who wins more often than any other also "wins" this "honor."

Behold, the trophy for Tiger Woods' Target World Challenge:

Can you say "tchotchke"? Can you say "cheap piece of ceramic junk"? That's what it looks like, doesn't it?

C'mon Tiger, decorate your kid's room with it, don't give it away as a trophy (even to yourself).

Can you imagine any golfer winning this, taking it home, and displaying it proudly? No, I'll tell you what they do with it when they get home: They shove it in the top of a closet and agree never to speak of it again.

Doesn't it look like something your grandmother had sitting on top of her TV to match all the black velvet paintings on the walls? Actually, my grandmother had better taste than that: She had a black panther sitting on top of her TV (Cue Groucho: How she got Huey Newton on top of her TV I'll never know ...).

What's next, a trophy of dogs playing poker?

So if these are the winners in the "ugliest golf trophy" contest, what kind of trophy do I think is beautiful?

Here you go:

Yeahhhhhhhhhh, that's what I'm talking about!